Say to this mountain

ok, so those mountains I talked about....

Maybe it's my age. Maybe it's coming up on a half century. Maybe it's just that it took this long for the Lord to get through to me that I was circling mountains too many times and it is time to stop, turn north and get going. Whatever it is, it became really clear to me awhile back that there were things in my life that I needed to address and stop circling the mountain. I had actually circled them so long, I was wearing ruts and am having a hard time climbing out, but climbing out I am. The first of these mountains was a mountain of pride. I had become so entrenched in my own pride and supposed strength (oh and all my own strength, of course) that I fell flat on my face when not by my own strength, the Lord hauled my sorry behind out of the rut and I fell on my face in humility. I had pridefully resisted pure and simple love that Christ offers. Not that hadn't known Him personally before this, but I was hanging onto my supposed strengths and knowledge and it took this fall to show me my real condition. I am so glad He doesn't leave us to circle our mountains.

I am ready to turn north in from another mountain I've been hanging onto...the hold that food has had on me for several years. I grew up thin. In fact, so thin that my brothers had great fun at my expense with comments about the strings that were hanging on my dress...oh, sorry, those are your legs. Well, you get the point...I need not go on. I was even a fitness instructor in my late 20's and early 30's and was in totally top notch shape. I never thought about calories unless I was thinking about making sure I was getting enough as I taught back to back classes.

After having children, well, if you are a mother, you know...or at least if you don't, don't tell me. I do not want to know that all the weight just fell off of you as you nursed your child and sipped on milkshakes! Seriously, with 3 children in 3 years, well, let's just say that I was probably sipping the milkshakes during naptime and the weight was NOT falling off. Having the girls between the ages of 33 and 38, my metabolism was already barreling south at a good clip and then shortly after the last, I was diagnosed with hypothyroid. What was left of my metabolism took a nose-dive and crashed and burned and didn't take any spare calories with it. It was gradual, but the weight began to climb.

I am not morbidly obese and my weight really has nothing to do with this...as such. It has more to do with why I have a weight issue at all. It's because food has become my drug of choice and it's so totally acceptable in our society and almost frowned upon to not eat a huge plate full at every pot luck we attend. We sit and listen to pastors talk about the strength that comes from the Lord, the fruits of the spirit...not the least of which is self-control and then we host huge potlucks and joke about how huge our bellies are from the mounded plates of food we consume. So many would argue that we shouldn't be making a spiritual issue out of this. Surely God doesn't really care about THIS! I have prayed, studied and prayed and prayed some more regarding this. I believe that if I am praying and seeking His will and it is continually on my heart, it is because He is asking me to change this pattern of self-destruction. Is it not self-destructive to continually overeat, gain weight, continue to overeat and gain weight? It is destructive to the body no matter how you look at it. We are His temple and we are defiling that temple. It is no different than drugs or alcohol. All things are permissable but not all things are beneficial. Food is permissable and we should not be declaring any food outlawed but we do need to consider the idea that some foods are not beneficial to our bodies. They are destructive or they are just not beneficial. Is the wisdom of the Bible somehow not applicable here? of course it is! Why then, do we ignore the sin of gluttony? The Bible speaks on gluttony over and over and over again an yet we politely skirt the issue....sadly we often joke through those verses and move right along. It's more comfortable for everyone. I've sat through countless sermons where when that issue comes up, there is a joke made about it...something about Baptist knowing how to eat well or Presbyterians being the best cooks or well, you've heard the same, I'm sure.

The Lord has clearly shown me that as I have prayed and prayed, all along in His words was the wisdom that He gives us for life. It's there. Black and white. Self-control in food consumption is not easy. We have to eat, right? It's not a sin, right? right except when you eat beyond the needs of your body...then it is gluttony. 5 pounds, 10 pounds? 50 pounds? doesn't matter...that's why I said no matter my weight, it's the heart that must change before I can feel free from this issue. It's knowing that the Lord is good and that He cares about us to the very core and those things that weigh us down spiritually need to be addressed and He holds us close and loves us through it all. I have felt the need to make this issue public because I realize that if I silently fight my battle and never share what the Lord is doing through it, then I have not given Him the glory for this that is His and only His. As I lose weight out of obedience to Him, He alone should receive the glory because it will be by His strength and none of my own strength that gets me there. It's more about obedience than weight loss this time around for me. I want to know Him better. Lysa Terquerst of Proverbs 31 Ministry was asked once how to get closer to the Lord and she responded by saying that the way to get closer to the Lord was to give up something you want and look to Him, spend time with Him. I am realizing that as I have begun to cling to Him for the strength I need to resist overeating, I have MORE OF HIM. How cool is THAT!?